15 December 2017

My Writing Journey Part One...

My word count: I keep track of my progress
My writing journey has been a slow one, starting from a novel idea birthed when I started an evening creative writing course at a local college. This was about five years ago, back when my daughter, second and last child, was one years old. It has been difficult trying to fit my writing passion amongst the other everything else that I do, a working mum of two young children, 'like a mum' (and wish I was her mum) to a teenaged niece, a wife, a friend and whatever short term responsibilities I have to do. Not to mention all the emotional stuff life threw at me that knocked me sideways for months and I had to rebuild and get moving again.

I also spent months of not writing to the point my writing style changed and I had to re-read and re-write. There have been periods when I could not write, I would sit down at my lap ready and my mind would be completely blank. These writing sessions usually ended in tears and doubts. And on the other end of the spectrum, I had sessions that I did not want to end because I was consumed with ideas and felt like I was going to burst if I did not put fingers to keys and just wrote something, anything!

Coming from a poetry background, I continually questioned my writing style, was it too poetic? Did it have too much description? Then I would sigh when I (again) went on about a sunrise for almost a whole paragraph. I once read somewhere that a beginner writer finds their voice after the first 10,000 words, my 10,000 words came and went, and I was still looking for my voice. I have doubted myself, my abilities and wondered if someone out there really did wanted to read my work when it was finished. More recently, I have become frustrated and confused with story lines, character developments, conflict decisions and chapter structuring. When sessions ended in doubt I would go to Twitter and converse with other authors who encouraged and motivated. And being a Christian, I prayed, mediated and reflected on scriptures like Psalm 37:5 - "...trust him and he would help you."


Whatever you need to do to keep you going. Do it!


When I first had the idea of writing this blog post, my instant thought was "I'm not qualified to be giving writing advice." I'm still a beginner myself, I'm not done yet and there is so much more for me too learn and do! Then I realised there would be others in the place I was five years ago, with a great idea and a passion to start their writing journey, and probably, like me, feeling overwhelmed and unsure where to start. So I thought why nor share my experiences and just hope it would inspire someone else.


All I can give advice on is the things that have helped me 
along my 'unfinished' writing journey.


I CREATED MY WRITING SPACE:
My writing cave is in a corner of my bedroom (that link is an old photo, it has been upgraded since) and when I go and write I would close the door and not open it until I have done something. I must admit it took me a while to create a space and I wished I had done it at the start of my journey. I have placed this high up on my list for various reasons, firstly after I created my writing space my sessions become more fulfilled. I wrote more, had more ideas, I didn’t feel like stopping and my confidence grew. Secondly, I felt I became more serious, more like a professional writer; I even changed the way I labeled myself and started calling myself a writer. I am a writer with a part time job. Why not? I do write don’t I? To be honest, I do not always voice that I’m a writer and a part of me feel I shouldn’t because I don’t have a published book. It is more to do with my mindset and with how I see myself.


I JUST WROTE:
You would hear this often, “to be a writer, you have to write.” It does not matter what or how much you write, there is something about being proactive that helps to motivate and move you along. Don't worry about your writing style, your story line, if this chapter should start with this sentence. What is the right writing theory? It doesn't matter. Too often I had become overwhelmed with structure that it ended my writing session quickly. I would compare my writing style and methods with others and feel I was doing something wrong, there is no write or wrong way! I would become concerned that I have not thought about it enough, not paid a lot of attention to details and worried that my story would not make any sense. And then the doubts would come. Just write anything! There is something beautiful about writing with freedom, just letting the words flow and allowing them to tumble out. And before you know it, you would have something, 200 words, 500 words, that you can read, re-write and expand.


I TALKED ABOUT MY DREAM:
I share my writing journey on social networking sites, I have friends who would read my stuff, not as often as I would like and right now I have restricted this because I keep changing things (for another blog post) and wanted to give then a draft that I know won't change much later on. I would network and talk to other writers on Twitter, ask questions and share my concerns. When people ask me what I do, I would mention my job but also say I am a writer. This all created accountability. The more I talked about it, the more people expected me to do, it was (and still is) the push I needed to keep on going because each time someone asked me how my writing is going, I would tell them I have done more and I am further along my journey then the last time you asked me.


I FOUND TIME TO WRITE:
This was something I really struggled with at the beginning. I did not know where to start, life just seemed too busy all the time and when I did have the time, I was not in a writing-mood. I have since realised there is no such thing as a writing-mood (another blog post?), you just have to do it. A couple of years ago I met a lovely ninety-three year old woman who told me I needed to fight for my time and I have never forgotten that! Since that conversation I have done many things to create that time, like taking advantage of my flexibility at work, on a Sunday looking at my week ahead and exploring my free time, having a dedicated writing day. Also looking at how I spend my time and reducing useless activities, such as limiting the time I spent watching things, Netflix binging and social networking sites cruising. Getting rid of distractions! Most times it worked but there was those occasions where unexpected things happened that caused me to be busy. These were the things I was unable to control. However, most things in the week I can control or work around, it just meant I needed to have more self-control and be more organized. I would often have a 'no phone' period, wake up early so I can cook a meal, leave for work extra early so I can sit in a coffee shop for an hour or two to write. I’m not perfect. What things do you need to de-clutter to create more time?


I STOPPED FEELING BAD:
There have been many times where I have not done what I had wanted or needed to do. I had no self-control, had not written enough, felt that ‘if only I was more…’ earlier on in my journey I would be further along my journey. You get the picture. I’m not even going to write a lot about this because there is not point in dwelling on the past, it does nothing to the present and the only thing you can do is learn from it. So all I keep telling myself is “I would do better next time!” This could be tomorrow, usually for me it is next week.



(Updated 19.12.17)


Copyright © 2017 Sonneteer Articulates (aka Traysi Matthew, Traysi Speaks) 

All rights reserved. No portion of this post may be reproduced, stored in a retrieval system or transmitted, in any form or any means, electronic, mechanical, photocopying, recording or by otherwise without the express written permission from Sonneteer Articulates (aka Traysi Matthew, Traysi Speaks)

08 December 2017

Not in the Place I Should Be

I was going over some old poems today and found this one, written almost twenty years ago. I wished I had more information about the place I was in...


The day is now dawning
Getting out of bed
I stretch and stand up
Yawning
Closing my eyes
I know what I should do
Not listen to thoughts that’s in my mind
Just twirling
Looking at the eyes that stand
In front of me just starring
The face that’s my face
Hangs its head
And starts sighing

Water pours out from the tap
To the hands
To the mirror reflection
The cool splashing sensation
Wakes me up a bit more slightly
But still something’s missing

I know what I should do
Yet can’t do it

The desire that once was there
Has flown away with the winds of my emotion
The prayer that binds me
To the one who sits in the heavens is ceasing
I feel myself in my heart slipping

Climbing into bed
I lay down silently crying
Closing my eyes and sinking in the cloud
Of sleep that covers me
My mind still talking
The faint voice of conviction starts shouting,
It’s merely a whisper
To my inner soul

I know I’m not in the place I should be


Copyright © 2017 Sonneteer Articulates (aka Traysi Matthew, Traysi Speaks) 

All rights reserved. No portion of this post may be reproduced, stored in a retrieval system or transmitted, in any form or any means, electronic, mechanical, photocopying, recording or by otherwise without the express written permission from Sonneteer Articulates (aka Traysi Matthew, Traysi Speaks)

23 October 2016

So Much More


I ascended into realms unknown
A difference unrecognisable
Blinded internal for a lifetime it seemed
Eyes closed intellect wide open
Believing in things unseen
Once thinking all a fairy tale dream
Mind games playing tricks
Unreal visions playing a harmony with reality
My reality
But
Battles were fought
Blood shed
War cries echoing bouncing around caves
Martyred lives hanged symbolically
Dying dead ended full stopped
No more
The world stood still
Earth absconded
Paused a gasp of breath
Silent tears sinking mourning for souls
Cold kissed intensely
Chills shivered through my body
Fingertips numbed and blue
It was at that moment I flew

Exiting my cocoon I felt for the first time
My emotions released for the first time
The first time dancing on lands of freedom
I smelt things that caused frowns
Brushing harshly agasint nasal hairs
Nose twitching
I heard sounds that resounded through ear drums
Shattering glass
Blasting through walls
My personal Logan by my side
Knives clashing through air cutting through silences
I laughed like I’ve never laughed before
Crows feet smiles crickly eyes benning up
Feeling pee dribbles

I felt
Soft skin touches reached archeries deeply hiden
Leaving feelings imprints dents on my palms
Alive
Suddenly I reconsiged myself
I looked in the mirrow and I saw myself
Discugse falling to the ground
Burning the instance it touches pavements
And like clearing out boxes from decades in basements
I emerged
I became me
Suddenly a singing voice was there when there was never one there before
Busting out MJ moves
I moonwalked into outer glaxery plantery systems
Despite previously being blown around like dust lifeless
Regardless I breathed
I believed
There is so much more to me

Copyright © 2016 Sonneteer Articulates (aka Traysi Matthew, Traysi Speaks) 

All rights reserved. No portion of this post may be reproduced, stored in a retrieval system or transmitted, in any form or any means, electronic, mechanical, photocopying, recording or by otherwise without the express written permission from Sonneteer Articulates (aka Traysi Matthew, Traysi Speaks)


01 August 2016

The Word

Flourish: Inspiring women
for such a time likes this...
Sound poem for 'the word' (recorded by Watford Palace Theatre), Flourish Women's Event 2016...

Before the beginning was the Word and the Word was with God



And the word was God
He was with God in the beginning
God created all things through Him and nothing was created except through Him
In Him was life and the life was the light of all mankind
And the light shines on in the darkness
For the darkness could never overpower it

Flourish Women's Event -
Watford Palace Theatre


In the pre-existence of creation the word was
Engraved into the foundations of the earth the word was
From earths crust
To earths core
Above earths mantle
The rock
Was the Word
Before the beginning
Before all things
Before time itself
Outside the limits of time
The word was
Absolute
Uncreated







In the beginning
When all things were made by Him through Him
Became
When the world began there was
The Word
In co-existence

With God
Ever in communion the Word
Bringing revelation salvation truth guidance direction inspiration birthing hope
The word was the word is
The word will always be

A continuous light that shines on into the darkness

Flourish Watford FacebookTwitter @FlourishWatford
Luxford Music FacebookTwitter @Luxfordmusic
Wellspring Church worship band: Twitter @Wellorshipuk

Copyright © 2016 Sonneteer Articulates (aka Traysi Matthew, Traysi Speaks) 

All rights reserved. No portion of this post may be reproduced, stored in a retrieval system or transmitted, in any form or any means, electronic, mechanical, photocopying, recording or by otherwise without the express written permission from Sonneteer Articulates (aka Traysi Matthew, Traysi Speaks)

30 April 2016

Those Thighs


Sound poem for "those thighs"

Brenda’s got a baby Tupac once hip hop cried
And I remembered the tears that formed in the corners of my eyes
Thoughts a pondering upon young girls vulnerability
And their precious once of a life time virginity
Their world centre is fake love man lust
Legs open wide
To be used and abused
And with an evil plan on his mind
He whispers …But baby I lurve you…”
As his hand slides up those thighs

Promises of the world with its diamonds and gold
And its blitz and its bling
And its never gonna be a 30 min fling
“…I’ll be by your side you know, for life, you’re my wifey…”
Don’t believe those lies

With false futures foretold of happiness and 
Swimming in a pool of bliss
With the everlasting warm feeling of that butterfly kiss
Wake up realize sterilize those reoccurring thoughts
Young girl you’ve been bought
Sold into the slavery thinking that this is how I ought to be
Everyone is doing it so why cant me
Open those thighs

Following what seems to be the majority
Mind set in one way thinking
Blinking eyes clouded with delusions
Stinking into a pit of confusion
What does it mean to be a young woman?
In a society that boxes you in with no variety
Anxiety builds up as you wonder who the hell am I?
Images bombard your visual perception
Music video bum shaking
Lyrical song sexing
Social networking bra posing
Pretending to be older with the breast push up
Thinking that dinner means a quick feel up
A first kiss is a skirt lift up
And then you just widen those thighs

Breathless faces blind your sight 
Taking you away like a thief in the night
Each featureless face cutting a piece of your heart
Stoned faces camouflaging in your memories
Histories of masked faces blurred into one
Your hearing drowns in the sea of moans and groans
You feel alone cold
Iced in the walls of castle black in game of thrones
As your mind wanders to places unknown
A cyclone of daydreams and regrets for leaving the friend zone
Second hand ticking
Clock watching
Eyes closed to present
Wishing you didn’t open up those thighs

Smiling faces transforms into evil grins of satisfaction
Attractions that once existed no longer taking action
The game has been won
It is done
Until the next man comes to you 
Saying that he loves you after two days of knowing you
Wanting you to be a part of him forever
Adamant that he needs you and believes you to be the one
Like neo in matrix who rescued humanity
You are his savior who brought him out of insanity
Sweet-talking you until he has you like putty in your hand
So you can just open up those thighs

There is more to you then what is in between those thighs
Who you are and who you be is not in the valley of those thighs
Made to perfection were you

Known since in the womb were you
Made in the image of the most high were you
You are internally magnificent
Uniquely designed intended planned considered
Premeditated
You weren’t a mistake
Non-accidental but instrumental
Influential
Significant
You are beautiful
Every patterns of your skin
And character trait equate to something great
Don’t believe the rubbish the world throws at you

It is okay if you just close those thighs...





Copyright © 2016 Sonneteer Articulates (aka Traysi Matthew, Traysi Speaks) 
All rights reserved. No portion of this post may be reproduced, stored in a retrieval system or transmitted, in any form or any means, electronic, mechanical, photocopying, recording or by otherwise without the express written permission from Sonneteer Articulates (aka Traysi Matthew, Traysi Speaks)

07 April 2016

The Colour of Life



Often I wonder what life would be like without You in it
A part of it
Not always there from the start of it
Waking up and not feeling You there in it
The capital L that forms the word life
My life not the same without You in it
A dullness it would be
Gloomy
Void of all things colourful
Murky

Like seeing life through sun shades only
Lonely
Slaved to a world of colour blindness
Dimness
But You have brought the colour to my life
Painted it with a freedom
My chains have been broken
No longer in captivity
I have been set free
You have shaded my life with a love that blows comprehension
I am loved and I know it
So I can walk paths with my head held up high
You have known me since in the womb
And continue to know me as I have grown into maturity
Every cell of my body cries out in thankfulness
I am grateful
I recognise you in my life
Stepping out from darkness into a glorious light
Vibrantly I now see a new richness
That has me enclosed in a spiritual bliss
And like taking the first breath of my life
I feel You in me 
Inhale exhale
You be the air that I breathe that travels through me
Bringing the being into me and making me completely functioning
Like oxygen
I am breathing the goodness that I need
You be the very essence that makes up me
Bringing me back to life
From rebirth all the way to eternity

The colour to my life you be
The colour to my life you be


Copyright © 2016 Sonneteer Articulates (aka Traysi Matthew, Traysi Speaks) 


All rights reserved. No portion of this post may be reproduced, stored in a retrieval system or transmitted, in any form or any means, electronic, mechanical, photocopying, recording or by otherwise without the express written permission from Sonneteer Articulates (aka Traysi Matthew, Traysi Speaks)